Diet is a dirty word (and Lent is helpful)

I started to fall into a rut towards the middle of last week. I was frustrated that the numbers on the scale hadn't moved in a while. I deviated from my diet several days in a row, and I was losing sight of all of the reasons I started this journey. I was more focused on losing pounds, than getting fit, and beating myself up over not meeting some goals I had set for myself. I started thinking about what I could do to help get myself back on track. Along with revisiting some of my intial goals and adding some new (and sometimes silly ones), I also realized I need to change the way I'm approaching this whole thing.

I realized, quite quickly, that the first thing that has to go out the door before I can get over this case of the doldrums is my focus on dieting. I'm not dieting...I'm changing my entire outlook towards food and teaching myself how to consistently eat well all the time. Now, I'm not talking about the word diet in the context of "The American Medical Association suggests the following for a healthy, well balanced diet..." I'm talking about the "ZOMG!! I just read in People magazine that Beyonce lost 25lbs doing the rice and chili pepper smoothie diet!"

The word "diet", in the context in which I (and many of us) have been using it, has a negative connotation that indicates, at some point, a goal weight will be attained, the diet will cease, and I can go back to doing whatever I felt like doing. That's so totally not the case here. I am changing my entire lifestyle. My ultimate goal is to live a longer, healthier, fitter life. Changing my eating habits so that I am eating more fresh fruits and vegetables, more lean meats, and less processed sugars and flours, less fat, and less (read: no) fast food is not a diet. Simply enough, it's just the right way to eat! "Diet" implies something like Jenny Craig, the cabbage soup diet, medically assisted weight loss, pills, and any of the other thousands of "quick" weight loss plans out there. These do nothing to help a person learn how to eat for nutrition and sustinance (rather than emotion, convenience, etc). Calling what I am doing a "diet" is doing nothing but sabotaging me.

A "dieter" will beat themselves up mentally over deviating from "The Diet" and eating a cookie or having a small piece of birthday cake. A "dieter" will have "cheat days" where they can fall off the wagon completely and eat whatever they want in whatever quantity they want. A "dieter" will more than likely spend many, many days of their lives "dieting" and few days of their lives losing weight, keeping it off permanently, and feeling great about themselves. That's why most diets out there are called "Fad Diets" or "Crash Diets"...they're not meant to change a person's lifestyle for life, they're meant to give them a quick fix before bikini season or some other big event.

A person who has committed to changing their lifestyle, who consistently makes healthy choices, knows that she can indulge in a small piece of cake or a cookie every now and then and it's ok. A lifestyle changer will not need "cheat days" because they either no longer want the bad foods out there or because they allow themselves the occassional indulgence (which takes away the taboo that they're doing something wrong by "cheating" on eating well). A lifestyle changer will spend some days of their life planning out delicious, nutritious meals for herself and her family. She'll spend days shedding weight and she will know that weight is gone FOREVER.

Along with the big D word, the phrase "cheat day" has got to go, too. I can't think of a single time that cheating is acceptable-- not in school, not in a marriage...and then there is that little phrase about winners never cheating and cheaters never prospering. So, using that mindset, the whole concept of a "cheat day" when it comes to eating does nothing but set a person up for failure, one bite at a time.

What I am learning is that even the healthiest people indulge from time to time. But, when they do indulge, they limit themselves. They do not go overboard, and their sweet tooth or salty craving (or whatever) is satisfied. They also know healthy ways to indulge. I feel that if I allow myself to have a whole day or even just a meal, I am doing myself a disservice. If I instead, allow myself to indulge my cravings in a healthy way, when I get them, I will not even contemplate going off the deep end and eating like crazy. And, from what's happened in the past, one cheat day a week soon leads to two, then three, then finally you're not cheating anymore because you're no longer eating well to begin with.

So how does one "indulge" in a healthy way? I have a sweet tooth...if you know me at all, you know this. Instead of eating a whole candy bar when I have an urge for something sweet (or, worse, waiting until I have a cheat day and eating a whole molten lava cake or something crazy), a healthy approach would be to allow myself one Hershey's Special Dark miniature. Dark chocolate in moderation actually has health benefits (hello, antioxidants) and one piece of rich dark chocolate is usually enough to kick a craving. We just think we need the whole bag. If I'm at a get together and there are a lot of unhealthy dips and foods, along with a veggie and fruit tray, I try to fill a majority of my plate with the fruits and veggies. The less room on my plate, the less likely I am to fill it full of stuff I don't need. I will, however, leave a small spot for 5 or 6 chips and a small spoonful of dip or 2 or 3 little meatballs or smokies. Then, I eat all the fruit/veggies first, and save the "bad" food for last- like a treat. I have actually been doing really well with this approach. I made a King sized Hershey's Special Dark bar last over two weeks (at WORK, mind you) by eating one little piece every so often. At one point, I had even forgotten I had it. I am so proud of myself for this because I believe I'm finally learning portion control, and eating when hungry/craving versus eating when bored.


Food isn't a reward, and it definitely isn't taboo, so there is no reason why anyone needs to cheat on themselves with it.

That brings me to another word (well, phrase, really) that I am working to remove from my vocabulary-- "losing weight" or "losing inches" . I lose my keys, socks and shoes, my cell phone, coupons, hair ties and clips, and various and sundry other things all the time. I'm what you would call "scatterbrained" (lovable, but scatterbrained). With each of these items that I lose, comes the hope that I will soon find them again. I don't know about any of you, but the weight and inches I am able to banish from my body by eating right and exercising will be gone for good. I don't want it back, ever. I certainly don't want to "find" it again at the bottom of an ice cream container or a box of cookies. What does one do with items they no longer want? They throw them away, or more apt to this situation, they get rid of them. So, from this point forward, I am no longer losing weight/inches. I am getting rid of it.

Something else that has got to go (and has been previously attacked in blog form this week): my reliance on the scale, and my reluctance to believe I'm making progress when the numbers don't fall. I read something very poignant after I posted that blog that really, really struck me. A mother, when standing on the scale, is approached by her three year old daughter, who asks "Well, what does it say, Mommy?" The mother isn't happy with the number, but simply looks at the daughter, smiles, and says "It says Mommy is just right." The author went on to write that she explained to her daughters that she went to the gym because some of her clothes didn't fit well, after having their baby sister because her belly got so big, and she needed to make sure she was able to fix that. She makes it a point to NEVER dwell on the number on the scale, and to never talk about how unhappy she is with her body (even if she truly is) in front of her daughters. After reading that, I came across an article discussing how girls as young as THREE have been diagnosed with eating disorders and body image problems. How does a three year old develop body image disorders? They learn from those around them. Their little sponge brains suck up everything we say and do, including when we complain about being fat or not liking the way we look.

I never want my daughter to allow the numbers on a scale define her. I never again want to allow the numbers on the scale to define me, either. We are more than those numbers, whatever they may or may not be. I want L to grow up watching her parents make healthy lifestyle choices. I want her to see us living active, healthy lives, and filling our plates with yummy, nutritional food. I want her to see me as a person she can look up to for positive body image, in a world filled with unhealthy bodies. I do not want her to define her self worth in numbers.

So what does Lent have to do with this?

Lent is a 40 day period between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday when followers (who are generally, but not always, Catholic) choose to give up something (or things) that they enjoy. It signifies when Jesus fasted in the desert for 40 days. People give up smoking, drinking, cursing, carbonated beverages, caffeine, red meat, and all sorts of other things. Anything that is considered a sacrifice for them, they can give up for Lent. Lent is a good way for people to rid themselves of their vices, because, along with all the many other reasons (health, money, whatever), a holier reason is now attached.

This year, I have chosen to give up soda and other beverages containing processed sugar (sweet tea, lemonade, etc). I've also chosen to give up fast food completely (unless it is some kind of extenuating circumstance--like we have no other option for food-- in which case I will get a plain salad without dressing or a grilled chicken sandwich with no bun/sauce), and to give up "cheat days" (which plays along with the idea of a lifestyle change rather than a diet). I will allow myself to indulge from time to time in a piece of dark chocolate or a small slice of birthday cake or the like here and there, but I will not over do it, and I will not allow myself a whole day to waste a week's worth of hard work in the gym.

Soda is going to be a hard one for me. I have cut down on my soda and sweet tea consumption dramatically in the last 8-10 weeks but I still really enjoy a McDonald's sweet tea or an icy cold Dr. Pepper, all too often. I could see I was slowly slipping back into the multiple sodas/teas per day habit that I had last year, and I need to stop that quick. The cheat days aren't going to be as bad for me as I had originally thought. Even on my past, recent cheat days, I hadn't been bringing myself to make that terrible of choices. For one, I think about how hard I work when I'm in the gym (and how sporadically I've been able to go, even though I want to go as much as possible) and secondly, I just really haven't wanted to be "bad". I'm one of those weirdos that doesn't actually mind eating healthy. Fast food is going to be a little bit of a challenge just because it's easy to run out and grab something at lunch, and some fast food joints do offer healthy options. Usually I don't do to terribly when I grab something on the run, but I need to stop doing that if I am going to keep on trying to eliminate heavily processed foods.

I have often read that it takes 30 days to form a habit. So, if I really stick to these "sacrifices" (which, as far as my health is concerned, aren't really sacrifices at all), then I should be able to be completely done with them, even after Lent. I will even have 10 extra days to really solidify the "habit".

Don't trust the scale (and other lessons I've learned so far)

We're about two months into my journey. I am happy with my results thus far, even though I feel like I'm not as far along as I should be. In just two months, I feel like I've already learned so much, and that I am making great strides into permanently changing my fitness and eating habits. Of course, along the way, there have come some life lessons. I'd like to take a few minutes to share these with you. Maybe in another few months, I'll revisit these and see if my opinions have changed.

1. The scale is not the be-all, end-all indicator of progress. In fact, as far as progress indicators go, I'm learning that the scale should actually be the last place I go to "check up" on myself. There are so many other ways to see how far one has progressed in getting fit. For instance, I have had very little movement on the scale in the last 3 or 4 weeks. Granted, I have had some slip-ups as far as eating healthy, but I have also been going to the gym and doing more physical activity than I had in the past. I let this consistent number on the scale get to me, and I shouldn't have, because when I began to measure myself (a better progress indicator), I discovered I had lost another few inches in my waist. I have also been wearing some clothing I hadn't been able to in a long time, which means that my body is changing. I've noticed that I am able to do more at the gym, too. At first, I would get a mile or two out on the treadmill, and that was it- I was spent. Now, I am getting a mile or two out on the treadmill while carrying on a conversation (Hello, stamina! Nice to get re-acquainted with you!) and then hop off and go to 35-45 minutes of pretty high impact aerobics. Sometimes, I feel like I could still keep going, even after that, but by that time it's usually late and I have to go pick up L. So, when I do go get her, I still have energy to come home, play with her, clean, cook, etc. I'm also sleeping better (though, still not great, I am averaging a few more hours per night), waking up earlier (without that tired, dragging feeling) and I'm pushing through that afternoon slump without getting a coke or candy. All of this is improvement, and better indicators of the progress I'm making than the stupid scale.

2. I don't like celery. But, I'm eating it anyway. Why? Because it's very healthy, and makes a very filling snack. I am limited as to what I can snack on at my desk, and I like to change it up so I don't get bored eating the same fruits, veggies, or nuts every single day. I also don't like plain bananas, but I am working on sneaking them into my diet more. I can't peel and eat a banana- it's the texture, not the taste (for the most part) that gets me- but I can eat them, blended in a smoothie. So, because bananas are extremely healthy (and I can always use potassium to help with leg cramps and such), I do that. I don't always want a banana in my smoothie, but I always put one in. Sometimes, you have to just suck it up and do what is healthy. (Note: This does not mean you're going to see me munching on tomatoes anytime soon...but I am working on avocados.)

3. I actually don't mind working out. Most of the time, I even look forward to it, and find myself disappointed when I miss a day I had planned on. I used to wrack my brain everyday, trying to think of excuses not to work out (and I felt like I had a pretty decent arsenal, too-- I have too much to do at home, I didn't sleep well, I don't feel good, L is grouchy, I don't have time, etc, etc). If I had to miss a day...yea, I wasn't disappointed. I didn't want to go-- because, I realize now, I didn't actually care about my health/fitness. Now that I have changed my mindset, when I have to miss a day for whatever reason (there are actual reasons that one might have to miss going to the gym, like getting sick with bronchitis), it makes me so frustrated. I feel like I'm sabotaging myself, even if I can't go to the gym because of something totally out of my control.

4. Working up a sweat does make you feel better! On the days where I have no reason not to go to the gym (no plans, no need to pick L up right after work, etc), but don't feel well, it's hard to get motivated to go. But, I've found that on those days, if I can get myself through the door at the gym and into my workout clothes, I end up leaving (after my workout) feeling much better. I usually convince myself to go by telling myself "Just 2 miles on the treadmill" or "Just a half hour on the stationary bike...you can do this." By the time I'm done with my 2 miles or half hour, I'm sweaty, my heart is pumping, and I actually feel better. Sometimes I stay and do some more, and then sometimes I just stick to my word and go home afterwards, but either way, I end up glad I went. If I'm in a bad mood, frustrated, or stressed about something, it's the same deal. I have to force myself to go but I feel so much better afterwards.

5. Eating healthy isn't harder or more expensive than eating bad. Contrary to popular belief (or what McDonald's Dollar Menu would lead you to believe), it is not more expensive or less convenient to eat healthy. At first glance, it can seem misleading when you can spend $3.28 and get a McDouble, small fries, and a large Sweet Tea, that you can get anything healthy for anywhere close to the same price. But when you really think about it, buying groceries and fixing them yourself (and eating leftovers) is a cheaper and healthier way to go. I can spend about $10 and get a bunch of fresh veggies, salad greens, a protein (like a chicken breast) and dressing for a salad that will feed JP and I both for at least 2 meals each. It's more filling (both in terms of fullness and vitamins/nutritional value) and costs less than the calorie/fat/sodium laden fast food. And as far as convenience goes, popping a container of leftovers in a microwave at the office beats sitting in a car breathing in someone else's exhaust fumes at the drive thru. AND, if leftovers aren't your thing, there are plenty of frozen meals now that are healthy (Kashi makes a few really awesome ones) that are less than $5 a meal.

6. I may never run on the treadmill. But I will, eventually, run. To date, I am still afraid to run on the treadmill. I have decided to go at my own pace there, and as the weather gets warmer, do more attempted runs outside. If I eventually can run on the treadmill without paralyzing fear of flying off the back, great. If I never do more than a very, very brisk walk on the treadmill but start knocking out some miles outdoors, that's great too. Just as great.

I'm BACK!!

I'm back in the gym!

Monday was the day I was re-released to go to the gym. I was told not to over-do it, and stop if I had the same problems like I did two weeks ago.

Thankfully, I did not have those problems, and was able to complete 2.7 miles on the treadmill on Monday. I did incline intervals for the first 15 minutes at 4.0, and then 15 more minutes of walking at an 8% incline at 5.0 (which is almost a run), and then about 3-4 minutes of cool down for a total of 34 minutes and 396 calories. I am so happy with that, as my average mile was around 11:30. I'm really happy with that because that's a personal best for me right now.

JP bought me my Valentine's Day gift a few weeks early, too, and I got to try it out Monday. I got a Polar FT4 heart rate monitor/calorie counter. I love it. It is pink (of course) and came with one of the chest straps (which provide the most accurate heart rate calculations). I was pleasantly surprised to see that I burned around 150 calories more than what the treadmill showed, about 70 more calories than MyFitnessPal showed for the workout I inputted, and about 200 calories more than what CardioTrainer showed. I also learned that my target heart rate for calorie burning is between 130-165, and during the incline intervals (and during my super fast power walking) my heart rate stayed around 180, which is 89-92% of my max heart rate (which is what gave me the extra calorie burn, most likely).

I'm excited to finally try Shred, and the other Jillian Michaels DVDs, and see what kind of calories I burn doing those.

I STILL haven't gotten to start Shred yet. Another little bump in the road was that my sweet, wonderful toddler L decided she didn't have to sleep at night anymore (and as a result, Mommy and Daddy didn't, either). Thankfully, after discovering FOUR new canine teeth and treating a case of the snotty noses, she seems to be sleeping again (mostly) which means Mommy gets to sleep again (mostly) which means 5 am won't be so harsh. When you don't get to sleep until 4:30, there is no 5 am meeting with Jillian. Since L has stated sleeping again, and is spending the night away from home tonight, I am going to attempt to try Shred in the morning.

I did the Banish Fat Boost Metabolism DVD by Jillian this evening and HOLY CRAP. 777 calories and I had to stop a few times throughout because my heart rate went too high and I started getting dizzy. She is a killer, but I can totally see how she gets results out of people so quickly! I LOVED it, and can't wait to get to where I can make it through the whole DVD without stopping.

You may have also noticed that there was not a Monday weigh in. This is because I was tired of reporting "no change" for the last several weeks, and there was, in fact, no change on Monday. What I have learned through being sick is that there is only so much that eating well can do as far as weight loss, especially when you're like me and didn't eat completely terribly to begin with. In order to continue to see results, I have to incorporate cardio and weight training. I have also learned that sometimes the scale is not the be all end all indicator of weight loss. Once I start the weight training program, especially, the numbers on the scale may not move as dramatically as I want because muscle does weigh more than fat. As I tone up and add a little muscle, the scale might be deceiving. BUT, the tape measure won't lie. Inches are going to add up!

I am going to post a new weigh in on next Monday, and start again with the regular Monday weigh-ins. And, on the 1st of every month, there will be new measurements. I can't wait to see all these numbers shrink!

People are also starting to notice something is going on with me, too. I have been getting a lot more "You look different, but I can't put my finger on what it is" comments, and "Did you do something different to your hair? Is that a new outfit? Something looks different about you." I have run into a few people who I haven't seen in a while, who know I'm doing this weight loss journey, and they've all said they've been able to tell I've lost weight. One said my face is thinner, and another noticed my jeans were too big! I am happy to report that my total weight loss since June 2011 is 22 pounds (and from what I read, it starts to become noticeable to people after the first twenty). Of course, when you think about it, that's nothing compared to what I'm going to lose this year (amazing what some dedication to getting fit can help one accomplish, huh?) but it is still a start in the right direction.

I had planned to start the Couch To 5k program this week but I think until the weather gets warmer, I'm going to take a different approach. I am going to do the treadmill at the fastest walking pace I can, and work on increasing my miles per workout. Then, once I can start doing some running outside, I'm going to work on increasing my walking pace to a run, and then work on trimming my run time down.

Why? Why not just run on the treadmill? (I know you're thinking this). Well, let me let you in on a little secret.

I am terrified of actually running on a treadmill.

I know, this is completely ridiculous, but I am. I have, possibly, watched too many youtube videos of people flying off the back of treadmills. I am, more than likely, the least coordinated person I know. Plus, I feel like I look ridiculous when I run. I am sure, on all counts, I am overreacting, but I just can't get up the nerve yet to let go of the handles on the treadmill, up the speed just a little (I already walk at 5.0, running is anything over 5.5), and jog.

The idea of running outside, on a track, doesn't phase me at all. In fact, I'm a little excited about it, and looking forward to springtime. Plus, there are no 5ks run on treadmills. They're all run outside, on pavement (unless you're doing the Warrior Dash, then it's through mud, hay, gravel, etc). I have also read that running on the treadmill is nothing like running on actual pavement, so I figure if I want to start doing 5ks and eventually half marathons, I need to get my butt outside.

A few afternoons this week, I had a workout buddy, which was awesome! I can go to the gym at the same time as JP, but we cannot work out together. The nice way of putting it is like this: We are not motivated by the same things, and we do not respond the same way to the "coach" mentality. The not so nice way of putting it: JP tends to try to motivate me by pushing me (like a football coach would) and it just makes me grumpy and mad. But today, my best friend since we were 10 came to the gym with me. It was fun having a friend there! We tried Step Aerobics, Cardio Dance, and Aerobic Dance. I realized I'm completely uncoordinated, but, managed to burn an average of 500 calories doing each workout (if I would've been able to actually DO some of the stuff, I probably could've burned 1000 calories each! But, I did the best I could for having two left feet).

(If any of YOU would like to try my gym out, send me a message on Facebook. Anytime Fitness is the BOMB!)

New month, new weight and measurements!!

I'll keep this one short, and sweet.

Every month, I plan on updating my weight and some measurements.

My goal is to lose 10lbs each month until I meet my ultimate goal weight.

Sooo, this month....

Weight: 187 Loss of 7lbs (remember, I ended up weighing 194 instead of 197 to start)

Chest: 45" Loss of 1"

Waist: 37 1/4" Loss of 3/4 inches

Hips: 42" Loss of 1 1/2"

Total inches lost: 3 1/4"

Also, my size 14 pants now fall off of me when I walk around. The 12 slims I have are still too small in the hips but I'm pretty confident I'll be in those by the end of this month.

I didn't hit my 10lb goal, but I feel pretty accomplished with these numbers considering I was sick for the entire month almost with that bronchitis.

February is a new month! Gym, Shred, Yoga or Pilates, and eating right. I'm hoping for a lot of lower numbers next month!!